tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
