I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize