whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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