i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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