I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't turn off my feet"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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