I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
