Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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