im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
