Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
