Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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