remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
