I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
