If you die in college, do you die in real life?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
