We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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