Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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