That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
