I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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