I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
