That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
