last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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