I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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