i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
