I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
