You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
