there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
