I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
