Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize