We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
