shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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