I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
