i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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