you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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