the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
