I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
