Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
