I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
