I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
