Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
