Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
