I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
