i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
