I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
a search helicopter?!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
