I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is Oprah even human
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
