Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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