I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im about as happy as oj after his trial
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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