R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
