I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
