Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
