if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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