i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
