you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
