Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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