the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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