I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
