There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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