then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
