He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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