that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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