Umm I'm too high to move.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
