New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So vagazzling was a success
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
