He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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