I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
