the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
