I think i peed on brittanys purse
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
