I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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