are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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