sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize